The Unforgiving Servant: Forgiveness Isn't Optional

The Unforgiving Servant: Forgiveness Isn’t Optional

Introduction

Forgiveness lies at the heart of the Christian faith. It’s the cornerstone of our relationship with God and the key to healthy human relationships. Yet, in practice, forgiveness is often the hardest command to follow —especially when the wounds are deep and the wrongs are personal.

In Matthew 18:21–35 , Jesus tells a powerful parable to illustrate the necessity of forgiveness : the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. Through this story, He makes one truth clear— forgiveness is not optional for those who have received God’s mercy .

This parable isn’t just a moral tale; it is a profound spiritual warning and a call to radical grace. It challenges us to examine the mercy we’ve been given and how we pass it on—or fail to.

Peter’s Question and Jesus’ Radical Reply

The parable is prompted by a sincere question from Peter:

“Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” —Matthew 18:21

Peter likely thought he was being generous. Rabbinic tradition at the time taught that forgiving someone three times was sufficient. By suggesting seven times, Peter believed he was offering a high standard.

But Jesus responds:

“I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” —Matthew 18:22 (some translations say “seventy times seven”)

This isn’t a number to track. Jesus is essentially saying: don’t count—just keep forgiving . It’s not about math; it’s about mercy as a way of life .

The Parable: Mercy Refused

Jesus then tells a story to illustrate His point:

A king wishes to settle accounts with his servants. One servant owes ten thousand talents —an astronomical amount equivalent to millions, possibly billions, of dollars today. Unable to repay, he pleads for mercy. The king, moved with compassion, forgives the entire debt .

But that same servant, freshly forgiven, finds a fellow servant who owes him a hundred denarii —a small fraction of what he had owed. Instead of extending the same mercy, he chokes the man, demands repayment , and has him thrown into prison.

When the king hears about this, he is outraged:

“Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” —Matthew 18:33

The king revokes his mercy and hands the man over to be tortured until the debt is paid. Jesus concludes with a stark warning:

“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” —Matthew 18:35

The Debt We Owe: Understanding the Scale

The ten thousand talents represent a debt so large it could never be repaid. It symbolizes our sin before God —a spiritual debt we could never settle on our own. God, in His mercy, forgives us not based on our ability to repay, but out of love and compassion through Christ.

The hundred denarii , while not insignificant, pales in comparison. It represents the offenses others commit against us—real, painful, but small in comparison to what we’ve been forgiven.

Lesson #1: When we realize how much God has forgiven us, we are compelled to forgive others.

The Consequences of Unforgiveness

The parable isn’t just about grace—it’s also a warning. The servant’s refusal to forgive had dire consequences. His original forgiveness was revoked, and he was handed over to torment.

Jesus uses this dramatic ending to make a serious point: unforgiveness is spiritually dangerous .

• It poisons our hearts with bitterness.

• It blocks our prayers (Mark 11:25).

• It hinders our relationship with God .

• It destroys relationships with others.

Refusing to forgive others puts us in a prison of our own making—bound by anger, resentment, and pain.

Lesson #2: Forgiveness is not just for the offender—it’s for our own freedom.

Forgiveness Is a Process, But It Must Begin

Some people misunderstand Jesus’ message to mean that we should ignore justice or pretend like the hurt didn’t happen. That’s not what biblical forgiveness is about.

Forgiveness is not:

• Excusing the behavior

• Forgetting the offense

• Pretending everything is fine

Forgiveness is releasing the right to revenge . It’s choosing to entrust the situation to God’s justice and mercy.

Yes, forgiveness is often a process, especially in cases of deep betrayal. But it must begin somewhere. Jesus doesn’t say, “Forgive when you feel like it.” He says, “Forgive—period.”

Lesson #3: Forgiveness is not a feeling—it’s a decision.

The Heart of the Matter: Forgive from the Heart

Jesus ends the parable with a call to forgive “ from your heart .” This means:

• Genuine release of bitterness

• True desire for the offender’s healing

• Authentic reflection of God's mercy

Forgiving from the heart doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning wrongdoing. It means you let go of the desire to harm , even when you have the right to feel hurt.

This is only possible through the power of the Holy Spirit . Our human strength often isn’t enough to let go. But when we invite God into our pain, He enables us to do what feels impossible.

Practical Steps to Embrace Forgiveness

If you struggle to forgive, you're not alone. But the journey toward healing begins with these steps:

1. Remember How Much You’ve Been Forgiven

Start by reflecting on God’s mercy in your life. Gratitude for grace received opens the door to extend grace to others.

2. Pray for the Person Who Hurt You

This might feel unnatural at first, but praying for someone softens your heart. Ask God to bless them, heal them, and draw them closer to Him.

3. Speak the Forgiveness Out Loud

Say it aloud or write it down: “I forgive [Name] for [Offense]. I release them to God’s justice and mercy.” Repeating this over time helps transform your internal world.

4. Set Boundaries if Needed

Forgiveness doesn’t always mean full reconciliation, especially if the person is unrepentant or abusive. It's okay to forgive without restoring the same level of trust .

5. Repeat as Often as Needed

Some wounds resurface. That’s okay. Jesus’ instruction to forgive “seventy-seven times” means that forgiveness is a continual choice .

Why Forgiveness Is Non-Negotiable

Jesus didn’t suggest forgiveness—He commanded it. Why?

Because forgiveness is central to the Gospel . We are saved not because we earned it, but because God forgave us through the sacrifice of His Son. When we refuse to forgive others, we deny the very essence of the Gospel we claim to believe.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” —Ephesians 4:32

Lesson #4: Forgiveness isn’t optional because grace isn’t optional.

The Freedom of a Forgiving Heart

When we forgive, we mirror the character of Christ. We declare that mercy is greater than revenge , that healing is more powerful than hurt , and that grace is stronger than bitterness .

Forgiveness:

• Releases emotional weight

• Restores peace of mind

• Rekindles joy

• Reflects God’s heart

Forgiveness doesn’t just change the person you forgive—it changes you .

Conclusion: Live a Life of Mercy

The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant is a sobering call to examine our hearts. Have we accepted God’s mercy but withheld it from others? Do we cling to offense while claiming to live in grace?

Jesus challenges us to align our lives with the mercy we’ve received. As we have been forgiven, so we must forgive.

Let us be people who walk in radical mercy , who reflect the heart of a forgiving God, and who know that forgiveness isn’t optional—it’s essential .

Prayer

Merciful Father ,
Thank You for the immeasurable forgiveness You’ve given us through Christ. Help us to never take Your grace for granted. Teach us to extend the same mercy to those who have hurt us, even when it’s hard. Soften our hearts and free us from bitterness. Give us the strength to forgive from the heart, as You have forgiven us. May our lives reflect Your love and bring healing to others. In Jesus’ name, Amen.